I’ve landed in a strange situation, in which I received an inheritage at a point in my life where I was focussing very much on personal developemt and understanding life, mastering musical skills. I was/am 32 years old. Suddenly I had 500.000 euros and a lot of skills, knowledge, wisdom, belonging, friends, money and freedom. My crew, friends and people I knew, now often feel less whole, intelligent, full, exciting because of this. I often am confronted with their pains, lacks, neediness, dullness (in my eyes), struggles, shame, ignorance and addictions. This hurts. Seeing, experiencing and feeling the people you love most in lack, suffering and pain, in need hurts. To the point where you not only feel their pain, hut also experience loneliness and the sense of not being misunderstood. When talking about future security, plans, passions and dreams, they often project their lacks, pains, struggles and shame on me. This hurts and also hinders, as that feeling of abundance and well-being is not shared, seen, understood and recognized in the same way. This often triggers me towards substances, isolation but also the experience of psychoemotional and thus the embodiment of stress, lack and emotional/spiritual pain. The fear and pain towards abandonment, loneliness. The fear and pain of bonding, being left alone, being left out. A sense of wanting to escape and avoid, because I don’t feel the wholeness and understanding and support of those I knew and now my whole life so well. These feelings, fears and pains often lead me to isolation, substance abuse, which only made me weaker and more vulnerable, spiraling down, not able to find understanding, belonging and trrue well being, harmony and balance that is supported in communion/.riendship/family. The stress and fear of choosing, leaving behind, abandoning those I’ve known so long but no longer resonate/radiate/experience at my new level. I’ve been low, I’ve been near death couple of times and I’ve been abusing, sabotaing and lying to myself. I’ve also really enjoyed, celebrated and adores being alone in this new frequency, looking back on how I renovated my appartment, built an album from scratch which I am extremely happy, surprised, pleased with; proud off. But now I need to recover my strength, recalibrate my boundaries, so I am not constantly pressured into having to feel this dissapointment, anger, loneliness, frustration, sadness, fatalism, nihilism, fear and disharomny. I want to stand. I stand. Walking. Like a human. Striving to insist in creating more harmonious mutual understanding, contact, support, understanding. The love of sharing, helping and sharing. Saving and healing, helping. Myself first. I am a very impressive, good, lovable, innovative and wholesome person, beautiful and young. People will things for me, over the phone, whatsapp (which I recently cut through burnout, responsibility overload, social battery. burnout and not being able to take care of my health, well being and overall ability to stand, love myself, nourish myself and stand, leave and live the beautiful stream, capacity and wonder of life. I choose to build myself, nourish myself, my intentions, my beliefs, what feels good, right, in service to myself, my tribe, my family and the collective. I strive to build a structure that allows my gifts, worth, value, art, positivity, wisdom, consciousness and experience that soothes, calmes, induces value and direction, hope, recognition, validation, friendship and harmonious contact. A structure, both social media wise and/or in real life, that is simple but effective. Relevant, smart, intelligent and supportive, caring and calming; allowing to attract, build and create an evermore more wholesome, satisfying, succeeding, nourishing, celebrative and fun sphere of people, intentions, externalizations (of art and intelligence/sentience), inspiration and strength, courage and positive will. I’ve studied, exercised, practiced and dived deeply in many fields, carreers, styles, identities and ways of life, and this wisdom, truth, knowledge and capacity to heal, save time, create well-being, harmony and efficiency in humans, culture and humanity. But I save myself first, support myself. Affirm, acknowledge, validate myself. In gratitude, positive pride, a positive ego and a strong spirit. A firm, grounded, and stable body, a temple that is able to attract well-being, welvaart, calmness, happiness, flow, knowingness and confidence, assuredness and simplicity. A time for bliss, an endless summer. Until I die, peacefully, surrounded by what I am, know and have created. Hopefully some kind of fruithof with beautiful, ingenious and positive children, reflections, memories and friends. I am able, I am brave, I am willing, I am loved, I am worthy. I am, I breathe, I attend my desires, dreams, creations and more blissful aspirations. I share adventure, because isn’t it all more beautiful when shared? I aim my art towards people that are already exposed to (digital) music and those are looking for intelligence, sentience, direction, identity, style, pleasure, wholeness, well-being and enjoyment. Because while I was making the album I’ve recently finished, I’ve noticed that relationships, belonging, families and senses of blissful contact, intimacy, family and mutual understanding is, would be and will be often/sometimes/always more possible, probable, likely, existent, and present when there is no outside noise, signals, information, input and/or art to come in between us. In between parents and children, teachers and pupils, lovers and friends and those that are alone/looking for eachother. I aim to transcend my fear of abandonment, binding, being misunderstood and choosing wrongly by attending myself, my needs, my dreams, my boundaries and the truth of my feelings, sensations, experiences, even if that sometimes means being alone, which ultimately I don’t want. I aim not to escape my life, or lose myself in in my art, but to share it, optimize it, handle it and externalize it as mature, playfully, SAFE and proud as possible. I intend towards loving life again, the capacity to carry, care, build and play. The ability to connect in hope, positivity and synergy. Being satisfied, eager and content with enoughness in stead of getting lost in the visions of (over)abundance. I save, secure, support and attend myself first. I’ve learned that feeling bad, abandonned, left, left alone, ignored, forgotten and especially being misunderstood is dangerous, as it created a feeling of loneliness, pain, in my case also shame, and the desire to escape, self destruct and bring down, harm and endanger those around me. I now intend to learn from these lesson, sharing them here as a reminder and potential ladder for those who might be inspired, supported and helped by them.